“Alternative” 314

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Republican Party
“Robot Hell” by Dan Castellaneta, John DiMaggio, Billy West, and Katey Sagal feat. Beastie Boys from Futurama

Robot Devil : We know all your sins, Bender, and for each one, we’ve prepared an agonizing, and ironic, punishment. Gentlemen?

[Music starts]

Bender: Aw, crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?

[singing starts]

Robot Devil : Cigars are evil, you won’t miss ’em,

We’ll find ways to simulate that smell,

What a sorry fella, rolled up and smoked like a Panetela, here on level one of Robot Hell!

Robot Devil : Gambling’s wrong and so is cheating. So is forging phony IOU’s,

Let’s let lady luck decide, what type of torture’s justified.

I’m pit boss here on level two!

[He spins a wheel that Bender is strapped to. Luck decides to deep-fry Bender.]

Robot Devil : [speaking]: Ooh! Deep-fried robot!

[CUT TO… Bender is being dipped in what looks like boiling oil, the song has started up again]

Bender: [singing] Just tell me why!

Robot Devil : [singing] Please read this 55-page warrant.

Bender: There must be robots worse than I!

Robot Devil : We’ve checked around, there really aren’t.

Bender: Then please let me explain, my crimes were merely boyish pranks!

Robot Devil : You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!

Bender: Aw, don’t blame me,
Blame my upbringing!

[He steals Robot Devil ‘s wallet.]

Robot Devil : Please stop sinning while I’m singing!

[He rips off Benders arm]

Robot Devil : Selling bootleg tapes is wrong, musicians need that income to survive!

[the song turns into a rap]

Beastie Boys: Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise, with your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys?

[record scratching]

Beastie Boys:That’s whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five!

[CUT TO… Fry and Leela sliding down an enormous slide, the regular tune returns to the song]

Fry: I don’t feel well…

Leela: It’s up to us to rescue him!

Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell…

Leela: It’s us who tempted him to sin!

Fry: Maybe he’s back at the motel?

Leela: Come on, Fry, don’t be scared,
I’m sure at least one of us will be spared,

So just sit back, enjoy the ride.

Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide!

Robot Devil: Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights,

publishing indecent magazines,

you’ll pay for every crime, knee-deep in electric slime,

you’ll suffer till the end of time, enduring tortures, most of which rhyme,

trapped forever here in Robot Hell!

[The Robot Devil tosses his hat away and stops singing]

Beelzebot : Of course, that’s just for starters.

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