“Alternative” Lyrics 147

Topic: Vladimir Putin; Cambridge Analytica; Facebook; Republicans; Republican Party; Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team
“Monster Mash” by Bobby Pickett & the Crypt Kickers

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin’, all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, “The Crypt-Kicker Five”

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, “Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?”

It’s now the mash
It’s now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it’s a graveyard smash
It’s now the mash
It’s caught on in a flash
It’s now the mash
It’s now the monster mash

Now everything’s cool, Drac’s a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You’ll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash

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“Alternative” Lyrics 145

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Wives; Mistresses; Porn Stars; Trump Family; Republicans; Republican Party; Donald J. Trump’s Base; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Former Members of Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Facebook; Cambridge Analytica; Vladimir Putin
“The Farmer in the Dell” by Various

The farmer in the dell (2x)
Hi-ho, the derry-o
The farmer in the dell

The farmer takes the wife (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The farmer takes the wife

The wife takes the child (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The wife takes the child

The child takes the nurse (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The child takes the nurse

The nurse takes the cow (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The nurse takes the cow

The cow takes the pig (2x)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The bull takes the pig

The pig takes the dog (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cow takes the dog

The dog takes the cat (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The dog takes the cat

The cat takes the mouse (or rat) (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cat takes the mouse(or rat)

The mouse (or rat) takes the cheese (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The mouse (or rat) takes the cheese

The cheese stands alone (2×)
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cheese stands alone

“Alternative” Lyrics 122

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Donald J. Trump’s Lawyers; Former Members of Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Donald J. Trump’s Base; Republicans; Republican Party
Auxiliary Topic: United States of America; Russia
Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Mike Pence; Republicans; Pro-life Advocates
Quaternary Topic: Mass Shootings; Children
Quinary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Mass Murderers
Senary Topic: Environment; Economy
Septenary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
“Star Trekkin'” by Unknown; originally preformed by the Firm

Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
Boldly going forward ‘cuz we can’t find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock
It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can’t find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It’s worse than that he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead Jim;
it’s worse than that he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead.

It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It’s worse than that he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead Jim;
It’s worse than that he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead.

Well, It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
It’s life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape ’em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
Boldly going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engine Room, Mr. Scott:
Ye canna change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
Ye canna change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
We come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty beam me up!

It’s worse than that he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead Jim;
It’s worse than that, he’s dead Jim, dead Jim, dead.

Well, it’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow ahhhhh!

Ye canna change the script Jim.
Och, #!& Jimmy.

It’s worse than that it’s physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she’ll blow, Cap’n!

Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
Boldly going forward, ‘cuz we can’t find reverse.

Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin’ across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can’t find reverse.

“Alternative” Lyrics 91

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donal J. Trump’s Administation
“Small Town Trap” by Eve 6

Suffocate from lack of stimulation
Television time.
Gonna break with every bead of sweat,
My heart rate seems to climb.
My friend and I stick to the tired couches,
Please pass the time.
I found a dime under the corner cushion
Wishing it was some place else,
And so do I, so do I

Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out.
Here I sit and bake,
My face is breaking out.
Satan’s in the living room
Choking me with apathy.
Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out.

Inspire me cause if you don’t
I think I’ll dissipate to dust.
The liar in me says something’s gonna happen soon because it must
My friend and I stick to the tired couches
Please pass the time.
I just found a dime under the corner cushion
Wishing it was someplace else
And so do I, so do I

Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out
Here I sit and bake,
My face is breaking out.
Satan’s in the living room choking me with apathy.
Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out.

Community immunity is the shot I crave.
A sleepless sleep,
Slow motion dream,
Want to dig my grave?

Time ticks away on the longest day.
Want to break away on the longest day

Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out
Here I sit and bake,
My face is breaking out.
Satan’s in the living room choking me with apathy.
Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out.

Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out
Here I sit and bake,
My face is breaking out.
Satan’s in the living room choking me with apathy.
Small town trap
With dreams of breaking out.

“Alternative” Lyrics 78

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Russia
Auxiliary Topic: Republicans; Russia; Corporations; Special Interest Groups; Lobbyists
Tertiary Topic: Politicians
Allegory: Promiscuity
Auxiliary Allegory: Promiscuity
“(How Much is That) Doggie in the Window” by Patti Page

How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that dog i’s for sale

I must take a trip to California
And leave my poor sweetheart alone
If he has a dog, he won’t be lonesome
And the doggie will have a good home

How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that dog is for sale

I read in the papers there are robbers
With flashlights that shine in the dark
If he has a doggie to protect him
And scare them away with one bark

I don’t want a bunny or a kitty
I don’t want a parrot that talks
I don’t want a bowl of little fishies
You can’t take a goldfish for a walk

How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window?
I do hope that dog is
I do hope that dog is
I do hope that dog is for sale

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