“Alternative” Lyrics 261

Topic: Mike Pompeo; Salmon bin Abdulaziz Al Saud; Donald J. Trump; Jamal Khashoggi

“Why, Wheatley, Why?” by BrainForce V

I’d awoken
From a coma
And I saw you hangin’ there

You had asked me
To try to speak to you
But I just jumped up in the air
Then we started shakin’
And I was so scared
But you led me safely from that room
And then you
Helped me disable
The deadly neurotoxin
That would have surely spelled my doom
So Wheatley,
Why’d you try to kill me?
After all that we’d been through!
Everything we’d done
Seemed like so much fun
But I just don’t know what happened
to you.

Well I remember
Those times we were together
When you weren’t totally insane.
Breakin’ windows
And solvin’ puzzles
My oh my, how things have changed!
So Wheatley,
Why’d you try to kill me?
After all that we’d been through!
Everything we’d done
Seemed like so much fun
But I just don’t know what happened
to you.

I never called you a moron
I never said you looked fat
I never claimed you were adopted
…or asked to buy me a hat
I only wanted to help you
‘Cause I thought that you’d help me
Then I found out you were as evil as evil can be…
Yeah!
(Guitar Solo)
You were my best friend
But you know it had to end
Because nothing gold can stay.
When you said that I’d die
I felt a tear drop in my eye
That’s when I started to say…

Wheatley,
Why’d you try to kill me?
After all that we’d been through!
Everything we’d done
Seemed like so much fun
But I just don’t know what happened to you.
Wheatley,
Why’d you make me kill you?
Shot you through a portal
To the moon!
You’re floatin’ ’round in space
And I just can’t replace
This Wheatley-sized hole
In my Heart.

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“Alternative” Lyrics 260

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Republican Party; Ryan Zinke

Auxiliary Topic: Mike Pompeo; Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud; Donald J. Trump; Jamal Khashoggi

“Still Alive” by Ellen McLain

This was a triumph
I’m making a note here; “Huge success”

It’s hard to overstate
My satisfaction

Aperture Science:
We do what we must
Because we can

For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead

But there’s no sense crying
Over every mistake
You just keep on trying
Till you run out of cake
And the science gets done
And you make a neat gun
For the people who are
Still alive

I’m not even angry
I’m being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart,
And killed me

And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece into a fire
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you

Now, these points of data
Make a beautiful line
And we’re out of beta
We’re releasing on time
So I’m GLaD I got burned
Think of all the things we learned-
For the people who are
Still alive

Go ahead and leave me
I think I’d prefer to stay inside
Maybe you’ll find someone else
To help you?
Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke *Haha – Fat Chance*

Anyway this cake is great
It’s so delicious and moist

Look at me: still talking
When there’s science to do
When I look out there,
It makes me GLaD I’m not you

I’ve experiments to run
There is research to be done
On the people who are
Still alive
And believe me I am
Still alive
I’m doing science and I’m
Still alive
I feel fantastic and I’m
Still alive
While you’re dying I’ll be
Still alive
And when you’re dead I will be
Still alive

Still alive

“Alternative” Lyrics 259

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Republican Party

“Johnny Came Home Headless” by the Arrogant Worms

Oh, Johnny was a tall man but his memory was short
He’d forget to duck at doorways and often he’d get hurt
I took good care of him for he had no family
Actually he did, but he forgot who they be

Johnny often liked to go out on the town
He’d forget where he’d be going so he’d just wander around
I knew when he was back for I would hear the smack
Of his head hitting the doorway but tonight it was alack

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But wherever it’s a-lying there’s a smile upon his face
I should have seen it coming, he finally lost his mind
But if his head don’t turn up soon then all his hats are mine

Johnny came towards me but suddenly he stopped
As if trying to think of something but having no luck
Still he didn’t notice that his head weren’t there
‘Til he took out a brush and tried to comb his hair

I said, “Johnny where’s your cranium?” but he didn’t seem to know
He just shrugged his shoulders and tried to find his nose
And the sight of him there topless made me start to cry
For I feared we’d ne’er again see eye to eye

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But wherever it’s a-lying there’s a smile upon his face
I should have seen it coming, he should have stayed in bed
For now I fear he’ll spend his life just trying to get ahead

Refusing to believe that he had split for good
His lower half and me searched the neighbourhood
It soon became apparent that his head we wouldn’t find it
He could not retrace his steps, he was absent minded

Well years went by til late one night I heard a voice I swore
Was Johnny calling out to me, I flung open the door
Johnny’s head was home, it took a taxi cab
Alas, it was too late, his body had gone bad

Johnny’s head was homeless, his body was cremated
And the funeral was harder than he had anticipated
I should of seen it coming he said in his eulogy
But never thought I’d have to say I ain’t got no-body

(I ain’t got nobody)

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But now his head’s upon a shelf, a smile upon his face
But now his head’s upon a shelf, a smile upon his face

“Alternative” Lyrics 257

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Republican Party; Vladimir Putin; Russia

“Pinky and the Brain” by Jess Harnell, Dorian Harewood, Jim Cummings, and Rob Paulsen from Pinky and the Brain

PINKY
Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
THE BRAIN
The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world

They’re Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
One is a genius
The other’s insane.
They’re laboratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain.

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
They’ll take over the world.

They’re Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain.
To prove their mousey worth

They’ll overthrow the Earth
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Narf!

“Alternative” Lyrics 256

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Wives; Mistresses; Porn Stars; Rape Victims

Auxiliary Topic: Brett Kavanaugh; Rape Victims

Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin; Russia; Xi Jinping; China

“Californication” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind’s elation
And little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotation
And if you want these kind of dreams
It’s Californication

It’s the edge of the world
And all of western civilization
The sun may rise in the East
At least it’s settled in a final location
It’s understood that Hollywood sells Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Celebrity skin, is this your chin?
Or is that war you’re waging?

First born unicorn
Hardcore soft porn
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication

Marry me girl, be my fairy to the world
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside
Getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard
It’s Californication

Space may be the final frontier
But it’s made in a Hollywood basement
And Cobain, can you hear the spheres
Singing songs off “Station to Station”?
And Alderaan’s not far away
It’s Californication

Born and raised by those who praise control of population
Well, everybody’s been there
And I don’t mean on vacation

First born unicorn
Hardcore soft porn
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication

Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation
And earthquakes are to a girl’s guitar
They’re just another good vibration
And tidal waves couldn’t save the world from Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Sicker than the rest, there is no test
But this is what you’re craving

First born unicorn
Hardcore soft porn
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication

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