“Alternative” Lyrics 113

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Ivana Zelníčková; Marla Maples; Melania Trump; Stormy Daniels/Stephanie Gregory Clifford; Dawn Vanguard/Alana Evans
Auxiliary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Nikki Haley; Hope Hicks; Sean Spicer; Jeff Sessions; Brenda Fitzgerald; Paul Manafort; George Papadopoulos; Michael Flynn; Rick Gates; Andrew McCabe, Et Alii
“Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee” from Grease

Look at me I’m Sandra Dee
Lousy with virginity
Won’t go to bed till I’m legally wed
I can’t I’m Sandra Dee

Watch it! Hey, I’m Doris Day
I was not brought up that way
Won’t come across even Rock Hudson lost
His heart to Doris Day

I don’t drink I swear
I don’t rat my hair
I get ill from one cigarette
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers
Would you pull that crap with Annette?

As for you Troy Donahue
I know what you wanna do
You’ve got your crust I’m no object of lust
I’m just plain Sandra Dee

Elvis, Elvis, let me be
Keep that pelvis far from me
Just keep your cool now your starting to drool

Hey, Fongul, I’m Sandra Dee

“Alternative” Lyrics 103

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Devin Nunes; Trey Gowdy; Bob Corker; Jeff Flake; Orrin Hatch; Jason Chaffetz; Et Alii
Auxiliary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Nikki Haley; Hope Hicks; Sean Spicer; Jeff Sessions; Brenda Fitzgerald; Paul Manafort; George Papadopoulos; Michael Flynn; Rick Gates; Andrew McCabe, Et Alii
Quaternary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Ivana Zelníčková; Marla Maples; Melania Trump; Stormy Daniels/Stephanie Gregory Clifford; Dawn Vanguard/Alana Evans
“Who’s Cheatin’ Who” by Alan Jackson

Everywhere you look
You can write a book
On the trouble with a woman and a man
But you can not impose
You can’t stick your nose
Into something that you don’t understand

Still you wonder
Who’s cheatin’ who
Who’s being true
And who don’t even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Who’s doing right
With someone tonight
And who’s car is parked next door

I thought I knew her well
I really couldn’t tell
That she had another lover on her mind
See it felt so right
When she held me tight
How could I be so blind

Still you wonder
Who’s cheatin’ who
Who’s being true
And who don’t even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Who’s doing right
With someone tonight
Who’s car is parked next door

Guitar

A heart is on the line
Each and every time
Love is stolen in the shadows of the night
Though it’s wrong all along
It keeps goin’ on
As long as you keep it outta sight

Still you wonder
Who’s cheatin’ who
And who’s being true
Who don’t even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Who’s doing right
With someone tonight
Who’s car is parked next door

Still you wonder
Who’s cheatin’ who
And who’s being true
Who don’t even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Who’s doing right
To someone tonight
Who’s car is parked next door

Still you wonder
Who’s cheatin’ who
And who’s being true
Who don’t even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Who’s doing right
With someone tonight
Who’s car is parked next door

“Alternative” Lyrics 101

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Devin Nunes; Trey Gowdy; Bob Corker; Jeff Flake; Orrin Hatch; Jason Chaffetz; Et Alii
Auxiliary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family; Jared Kushner
Quaternary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Nikki Haley; Hope Hicks; Sean Spicer; Jeff Sessions; Brenda Fitzgerald; Paul Manafort; George Papadopoulos; Michael Flynn; Rick Gates; Andrew McCabe, Et Alii
Quinary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Ivana Zelníčková; Marla Maples; Melania Trump; Stormy Daniels/Stephanie Gregory Clifford; Dawn Vanguard/Alana Evans
“Better Dig Two” by the Band Perry

I told you on the day we wed
I was gonna love you ’til I’s dead
Made you wait ’til our wedding night
That’s the first and the last time I wear white

So if the ties that bind ever do come loose
Tie them in a knot like a hangman’s noose
‘Cause I’ll go to heaven or I’ll go to hell
Before I’ll see you with someone else

Put me in the ground
Put me six foot down
And let the stone say:

Here lies the girl whose only crutch
Was loving one man just a little too much
If you go before I do
I’m gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two

Well,
It won’t be whiskey, won’t be meth
It’ll be your name on my last breath
If divorce or death ever do us part
The coroner will call it a broken heart

So put me in the ground
Put me six foot down
And let the stone say:

Here lies the girl whose only crutch
Was loving one man just a little too much
If you go before I do
I’m gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two

Dig two
Ooh, ooh

I took your name when I took those vows
I meant ’em back then and I mean ’em right now,
Oh, right now

If the ties that bind ever do come loose
If forever ever ends for you
If that ring gets a little too tight
You might as well read me my last rights

And let the stone say:

Here lies the girl whose only crutch
Was loving one man just a little too much
If you go before I do
Gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig, uh!

Heavy stone right next to mine,
We’ll be together ’til the end of time
Don’t you go before I do,
I’m gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two

I told you on the day we wed
I was gonna love you ’til I’s dead

“Alternative” Lyrics 53

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family; Paul Manafort; Rick Gates; George Papadopoulos; Scott Pruitt; Republicans
Auxiliary Topic: Environment (e.g. clean air)
“Too Much Fun” by Daryle Singletary

Blue lights flashing in my rear view
The sheriff said, “Boy I should’ve known it was you
You got fourteen people in the back of this truck
I warned you twice and now I’m writing you up”
I said “Officer, what have I done?”
He smiled and said, “Boy you’re having too much fun”

Too much fun, what’s that mean?
It’s like too much money, there’s no such thing
It’s like a girl too pretty with too much class
Being too lucky, a car too fast
No matter what they say, I’ve done
But I ain’t never had too much fun

There was a fight Friday night at the stumble inn
Me and ‘ole Harley just had to join in
Next thing you know we were both seeing stars
They threw us out, closed down the bar
I said, “The Long Branch is open the night’s still young
And we ain’t never had too much fun”

Too much fun, what’s that mean?
It’s like too much money, there’s no such thing
It’s like a girl too pretty with too much class
Being too lucky, a car too fast
No matter what they say, I’ve done
But I ain’t never had too much fun

I’m a holly terror, a tornado
Wind me up, turn me loose and let me go

Too much fun, what’s that mean?
It’s like too much money, there’s no such thing
It’s like a girl too pretty with too much class
Being too lucky, a car too fast
No matter what they say, I’ve done
But I ain’t never had too much fun

No matter what they say, I’ve done
‘Cause I ain’t never had to much fun
Give me the reigns and let me run
‘Cause I ain’t never had to much fun

“Alternative” Lyrics 48

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Paul Manafort; Rick Gates; George Papadopoulos; Republicans; Et Alii
“Cell Block Tango” by Catherine Zeta-Jones, Susan Misner; Deidre Goodwin; Denis Faye, Ekaterina Chtchelkanova, Mýa Harrison, and Taye Diggs from Chicago (Other productions with different singers are just as applicable)

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing neck)

[VELMA]
Cicero (Smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing neck)

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing neck)

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing neck)

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing neck)

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie, he liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and I’m
looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there’s Bernie lyin’
on the couch, drinkin’ a beer
and chewin’. No, not chewin’.
Poppin’. So, I said to him,
I said, “you pop that
gum one more time…”
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots…
…into his head.

[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame

If you’d have been there
If you’d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d
fix him a drink, We’d have dinner.
And then I found out,
“Single” he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
…oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I fixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can’t hold
their arsenic.

[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]
Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[VELMA AND HUNYAK]
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh
Cicero, Lipschitz

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I’m standing in the kitchen
carvin’ up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
“You been screwin’ the milkman,”
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin’,
“you been screwin the milkman.”
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times..”

[ALL]
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok,
Hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
Lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
Vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
A rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg…

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA]
My sister, Veronica and
I had this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us.
Now, for the last number in
our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks
one two three four,five…splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops,
one right after the other.
Well, this one night we were in the hotel Cicero,
the three of us,
boozin’ and
havin’ a few laughs
when we run out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door
and there’s Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen-
the spread eagle.

Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.I can’t remember a thing.
It wasn’t until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn’t do it
But if I’d done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In its prime
[VELMA]
I didn’t do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I’d done it
[GIRLS]
And they abused it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me
[GIRLS]
It was a murder
[VELMA]
That I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
But not a crime!

[MONA]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy…
sensitive… a painter.
But
He was always trying
to find himself.
He’d go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin’
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin’
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin’
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin’
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin’
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin’
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
All along
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
All along
‘Cause if they used us
‘Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
How could you tell us
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!

[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.
[LIZ]
Pop!

[ANNIE]
Six!

[JUNE]
Squish!

[HUNYAK]
Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)

[VELMA]
Cicero (smoke puffs)

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

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