Top Ten Reasons to Join a Cult

10) The employment: you love a hard day’s work cultivating the land, so much so you don’t mind not getting paid

9) The housing: everyone needs a place to live, and you enjoy sharing your room with everyone

8) The matchmaking: no more worries about finding a date

7) The birth control: nothing says you’re in control of your body like forced castration whether it be your nads or ovaries

6) The music collection: you love the repetition of a chant

5) The movie collection: you can’t get enough of the reasons why you love the leader

4) The education: everything you knew was wrong before you joined the cult

3) The wardrobe: you had no idea that you looked good in a homely robe

2) The leadership: you hang on every word

1) The tasty punch: it’s to die for!