“Alternative” Lyrics 197

Topic: Vladimir Putin; Russia; Donald J. Trump; Fake News; Facebook; Donald J. Trump’s Base; Mainstream Media; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Robert Mueller; Resistance; Democrats; Fair Elections; Democracy; Justice
“This is the House That Jack Built” by Various

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the cat that chased the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the priest all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the cock that crowed in the morn
That woke the priest all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the farmer sowing his corn
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That woke the priest all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the horse and the hound and the horn
That belonged to the farmer sowing his corn
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That woke the priest all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That chased the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

“Alternative” Lyrics 186

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Wives; Mistresses; Porn Stars; Rape Victims; Vladimir Putin
Auxiliary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Lawyers; Israel; Qatar; Republican Party; Republicans; Russia; Saudi Arabia; Trump Family
Tertiary Topic: Donald J. Trump; North Korea
“Marry You” by Bruno Mars

It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard
We can go
No one will know
Oh c’mon girl

Who cares if we’re trashed
Got a pocket full of cash we can blow
Shots of Patron
And it’s on girl

Don’t say no no no no no
Just say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
And we’ll go go go go go
If you’re ready, like I’m ready

‘Cause it’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

Oh
I’ll go get a ring
Let the choir bell sing like ooh
So what you wanna do
Lets just run girl
If we wake up and you want to break up
That’s cool
No I won’t blame you
It was fun girl

Don’t say no no no no no
Just say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
And we’ll go go go go go
If you’re ready, like I’m ready

‘Cause it’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

Just say I do
Tell me right now baby
Tell me right now baby, baby
Just say I do
Tell me right now baby
Tell me right now baby, baby

Oh
It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

“Alternative” Lyrics 185

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Transition Team; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Donald J. Trump’s Lawyers; Trump Family; Russia; Saudi Arabia; Israel; Qatar; Republicans; Republican Party; Vladimir Putin
“Teddy Bears’ Picnic” by Various

If you go down in the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today
You’d better go in disguise!

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain
Because today’s the day the
Teddy Bears have their picnic

Picnic time for Teddy Bears
The little Teddy Bears are having
A lovely time today
Watch them, catch them unawares
And see them picnic on their holiday

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout
They never have any cares
At six o’clock their Mommies and Daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears

Every Teddy Bear who’s been good
Is sure of a treat today
There’s lots of marvelous things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They’ll hide and seek as long as they please
‘Cause that’s the way the
Teddy Bears have their picnic

Picnic time for Teddy Bears
The little Teddy Bears are having
A lovely time today
Watch them, catch them unawares
And see them picnic on their holiday

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout
They never have any cares
At six o’clock their Mommies and Daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears

“Alternative” Lyrics 172

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Republicans; Republican Party; Politicians
“The World Owes Me a Living” by Anne Lloyd & the Sandpipers from The Grasshopper and the Ants

There once was an old grasshopper
Who could only think of fun
He looked on work as something too
Unpleasant to be done

He loved to sit in the summer sun
And fiddle all day long
While dozing there he played this air
And singed this little song

Oh the world owes me a living
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum
Oh the world owes me a living
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum

If I worked hard all day I might
Sleep better when in bed at night
I sleep all day so that’s alright
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum

The north wind blew the leaves away
When winter came one stormy day
The snow fell fast upon the ground
No food nor shelter could be found

This old grasshopper sad and meek
Could hardly hop for he was weak
He slipped, He fell
Poor Chap, Farewell

Some ants safe in their hilly home
Looked out and saw him freezing
They brought him in and doctored him
He weakly started sneezing

They soaked his feet in mustard sauce
He grew better soon
Now every day they hear him play
And sing this little tune

Oh I owe the world a living
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum
Oh I owe the world a living
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum

I got a bad cold in my head
You ants were right the time you said
You’ve got to work if you collect
Deedle dardle doodle deedle
Deedle dardle doodle deedle
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum

“Alternative” Lyrics 171

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Administration; Spies; Republicans; Republican Party; Oliver North; NRA; Iran; Qatar; Saudi Arabia; Fox News
“Ollie North” by Seth MacFarlane from American Dad

Stan: In the 80s there was Cold War drama.
We fought the Commies inside Nicaragua.
Our friends were the Contras. Freedom was their mantra.
So we sent them lots of money for guns and landmines.

But Congress stopped the Contra money flow
Just ’cause they moved a teeny bit of blow.
But then a hero came forth.
His name was Oliver North.
He and Reagan went around the sissy Congress.

OLLIE NORTH! OLLIE NORTH!

Stan (speaking): You see, North secretly sold missiles to a harmless country called Iran who would always be a grateful ally. Then he gave the profits to the Contras. Genius!

Stan: But the sales were uncovered by the press.

Contras: Awwww.

Press: He he.

Stan: Reagan and North began to stress.

Reagan: Well…

North: Nyaay!

Stan: ‘Cause what they did was technically high treason! (But it was totally justified.)

Stan: North volunteered to take the blame,
to save Reagan from prison rape shame.
The truth he did bury with his hot secretary.
Thanks to her shredder, he got off totally scot-free!

OLLIE NORTH! OLLIE NORTH!

He’s a soldier!
And a hero!
And a novelist!
And now he’s on Fox News!

Roger: Crap, that’s the end.

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