“Alternative” Lyrics 68

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Politicians
“Baggage Claim” by Miranda Lambert

I have been draggin’ around your sensitive ego
Making sure that your bags arrive on time for the dog and pony show
Leather suitcase like a brick, it kinda makes it hard to get a good grip
I drop your troubles off at the conveyor belt, I hand you a ticket to go get it yourself

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
When you hit the ground, check the lost and found
‘Cause it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

If it ain’t obvious what has set me off today
Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way
Go on and take your little business trip with that sweet little habit that you can’t kick
You better call your momma when you get to town ’cause I ain’t gonna be hangin’ around

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
When you hit the ground, check the lost and found
Because it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I’ve got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
And I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

Come and pick it up, pick it up
Before I blow it up in flames
You better pick it up, pick it up
Baby, I’m leaving everything

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
And when you hit the ground, check the lost and found
Because it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I’ve got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
Well, I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

Come and get it

“Alternative” Lyrics 67

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Donald J. Trump’s Base
“Bait a Hook” by Justin Moore

I heard you had to drive him home after two umbrella drinks
I heard he’s got a Prius, ’cause he’s into bein’ green
My buddies said he saw y’all, eatin’ that sushi stuff
Baby that don’t sound like you,
That don’t sound like love,
Sounds like it sucks

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
He don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
You’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook

Has he kissed you in a hay field
As the sumer rain falls down?
Has he took you to meet his mama,
Back in his home town?
Does he drive the interstate,
Or take them old back roads?
Can he melt your heart with a country song,
Every good old boy should know?
I didn’t think so

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
He don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
You’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook

It won’t be that long, ’till you start gettin’ bored
I’ll be smilin’ on the river, realin’ in one more

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
Hell he don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
‘Cause you’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook
No baby I ain’t even worried
He can’t even bait a hook

“Alternative” Lyrics 66

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin; Deutsche Bank
“Leader of the Laundromat” by the Detergents

Is he really goin’ out with ‘er? I don’t know. Look, here he comes now. Let’s ask
‘im. Hey, Murray, is it true Betty’s wearin’ your ring? Uh-huh.
Who’s that bangin’ on the piano? I don’t know. You goin’ out with
her tonight? You bet yer fur. By the way, where’d ya meet her?

I met her one day at the Laundromat.
She turned around and smiled at me, ya get the picture? (Yes, we see).
And that’s when I fell in love with the Leader Of the Laundromat

My folks were always putting her down (down, down)
Because her laundry came back brown (brown, brown)
I don’t care if they think she’s bad
I fell in love ’cause she looked so sad
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

(Dang it!)

My dad said “Find a laundry that’s new” (find a laundry that’s new)
How can I tell my baby we’re through (tell my baby we’re through)
Gotta drive right into town
I don’t care if my shirts are brown
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

(Dang it!)

When I finally got there, I told her it was all over between us. I’ll never forget the
hurt and the funny look in her eye. She grabbed my laundry and ran into the street,
directly into the path of a runaway garbage truck. I yelled “watch out, watch out,
watch out, watch out, watch ou-ou-t”

(Dang it!)

I felt so messy standing there (messy standing there)
My daddy’s shorts were everywhere (daddy’s shorts were everywhere)
Tenderly I kissed her goodbye
Picked up my clothes, they were finally dry
But I won’t forget you, oh Leader Of the Laundromat

(oh-oh-oh-oh)

(ooh–ooh—ooh—ooh)

(Who’s that bangin’ on the piano?
I don’t know.)

“Alternative” Lyrics 64

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Transition Team
“Goodbye Earl” by Dixie Chicks

Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4-H club, both active in the FFA
After graduation
Mary Anne went out lookin’ for a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town and all she found was Earl

It wasn’t two weeks after she got married that
Wanda started gettin’ abused
She’d put on dark glasses or long sleeved blouses
Or make-up to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
And she let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda’s hand as they worked out a plan
And it didn’t take ’em long to decide

That Earl had to die
goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas
they tasted alright to me
Earl
You’re feelin’ weak?
Why don’t you lay down and sleep
Earl
Ain’t it dark wrapped up in that tarp
Earl

The cops came by to bring Earl in
They searched the house high and low
Then they tipped their hats and said, thank you ladies
If you hear from him let us know
Well the weeks went by and spring turned to summer
And summer faded into fall
And it turns out he was a missing person who nobody missed at all

So the girls bought some land and a roadside stand
Out on highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam
And they don’t lose any sleep at night
’cause

Earl had to die
goodbye Earl
We need a break
let’s go out to the lake
Earl
We’ll pack a lunch
and stuff you in the trunk
Earl
Is that alright?
Good!
Let’s go for a ride
Earl

“Alternative” Lyrics 63

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family
“Lifestyles of the Not So Rich and Famous” by Tracy Byrd

Honey they’re bringin’ out a TV crew
They want to do a story ’bout me and you
They’ll be stringin’ up bright lights in the backyard
There’ll be cameras on their shoulders
We’ll be readin’ cue cards
Leave them long johns on the line
If the kids look dirty, that’ll be just fine

They’re gonna put us on
Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous
They want to see us go hog wild
Over beans and barbecue
They want to see my Fairlane up on blocks
The holes in all our socks
Talkin’ ’bout lifestyles of the not so rich and famous

Tell ’em bout your mama and the bowling league
Tell ’em bout junior and his baseball team
I’ll show ’em my nine point buck on the wall
I’ll blow a few times on my new duck call
Let ’em see ol’ blue how he sleeps all day
We’ll bring out the Elvis TV trays

They’re gonna put us on
Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous
They want to see us go hog wild
Over beans and barbecue
They want to see my Fairlane up on blocks
The holes in all our socks
Talkin’ ’bout lifestyles of the not so rich and famous

Yeah our idea of high class livin’
Is sittin’ on the porch on a cool night
Our Champagne and Caviar
Is an RC cola and a moon pie

I’m talkin’ ’bout lifestyles of the not so rich and famous
Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous

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