“Alternative” Lyrics 68

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Politicians
“Baggage Claim” by Miranda Lambert

I have been draggin’ around your sensitive ego
Making sure that your bags arrive on time for the dog and pony show
Leather suitcase like a brick, it kinda makes it hard to get a good grip
I drop your troubles off at the conveyor belt, I hand you a ticket to go get it yourself

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
When you hit the ground, check the lost and found
‘Cause it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

If it ain’t obvious what has set me off today
Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way
Go on and take your little business trip with that sweet little habit that you can’t kick
You better call your momma when you get to town ’cause I ain’t gonna be hangin’ around

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
When you hit the ground, check the lost and found
Because it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I’ve got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
And I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

Come and pick it up, pick it up
Before I blow it up in flames
You better pick it up, pick it up
Baby, I’m leaving everything

At the baggage claim, you got a lot of luggage in your name
And when you hit the ground, check the lost and found
Because it ain’t my problem now
I can’t carry it on, I’ve got a lot of troubles of my own
It’s all over the yard, in the trunk of the car
Well, I’m packin’ it in so come and get it

Come and get it

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“Alternative” Lyrics 67

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Donald J. Trump’s Base
“Bait a Hook” by Justin Moore

I heard you had to drive him home after two umbrella drinks
I heard he’s got a Prius, ’cause he’s into bein’ green
My buddies said he saw y’all, eatin’ that sushi stuff
Baby that don’t sound like you,
That don’t sound like love,
Sounds like it sucks

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
He don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
You’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook

Has he kissed you in a hay field
As the sumer rain falls down?
Has he took you to meet his mama,
Back in his home town?
Does he drive the interstate,
Or take them old back roads?
Can he melt your heart with a country song,
Every good old boy should know?
I didn’t think so

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
He don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
You’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook

It won’t be that long, ’till you start gettin’ bored
I’ll be smilin’ on the river, realin’ in one more

He can’t even bait a hook
He can’t even skin a buck
Hell he don’t know who Jack Daniels is
He ain’t ever drove a truck
Knows how to throw out a line,
But not the kind in a field and stream book
No darlin’ I ain’t even worried,
‘Cause you’ll come runnin’ back
He can’t even bait a hook
No baby I ain’t even worried
He can’t even bait a hook

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“Alternative” Lyrics 66

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin; Deutsche Bank
“Leader of the Laundromat” by the Detergents

Is he really goin’ out with ‘er? I don’t know. Look, here he comes now. Let’s ask
‘im. Hey, Murray, is it true Betty’s wearin’ your ring? Uh-huh.
Who’s that bangin’ on the piano? I don’t know. You goin’ out with
her tonight? You bet yer fur. By the way, where’d ya meet her?

I met her one day at the Laundromat.
She turned around and smiled at me, ya get the picture? (Yes, we see).
And that’s when I fell in love with the Leader Of the Laundromat

My folks were always putting her down (down, down)
Because her laundry came back brown (brown, brown)
I don’t care if they think she’s bad
I fell in love ’cause she looked so sad
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

(Dang it!)

My dad said “Find a laundry that’s new” (find a laundry that’s new)
How can I tell my baby we’re through (tell my baby we’re through)
Gotta drive right into town
I don’t care if my shirts are brown
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

(Dang it!)

When I finally got there, I told her it was all over between us. I’ll never forget the
hurt and the funny look in her eye. She grabbed my laundry and ran into the street,
directly into the path of a runaway garbage truck. I yelled “watch out, watch out,
watch out, watch out, watch ou-ou-t”

(Dang it!)

I felt so messy standing there (messy standing there)
My daddy’s shorts were everywhere (daddy’s shorts were everywhere)
Tenderly I kissed her goodbye
Picked up my clothes, they were finally dry
But I won’t forget you, oh Leader Of the Laundromat

(oh-oh-oh-oh)

(ooh–ooh—ooh—ooh)

(Who’s that bangin’ on the piano?
I don’t know.)

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“Alternative” Lyrics 65

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
“MacArthur Park” by Richard Harris

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love’s hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh no!

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You’ll still be the one

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky
And after all the loves of my life
Oh, after all the loves of my life
I’ll be thinking of you
And wondering why

MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh no!

Oh no
No
Oh no!

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“Alternative” Lyrics 64

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Transition Team
“Goodbye Earl” by Dixie Chicks

Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4-H club, both active in the FFA
After graduation
Mary Anne went out lookin’ for a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town and all she found was Earl

It wasn’t two weeks after she got married that
Wanda started gettin’ abused
She’d put on dark glasses or long sleeved blouses
Or make-up to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
And she let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda’s hand as they worked out a plan
And it didn’t take ’em long to decide

That Earl had to die
goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas
they tasted alright to me
Earl
You’re feelin’ weak?
Why don’t you lay down and sleep
Earl
Ain’t it dark wrapped up in that tarp
Earl

The cops came by to bring Earl in
They searched the house high and low
Then they tipped their hats and said, thank you ladies
If you hear from him let us know
Well the weeks went by and spring turned to summer
And summer faded into fall
And it turns out he was a missing person who nobody missed at all

So the girls bought some land and a roadside stand
Out on highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam
And they don’t lose any sleep at night
’cause

Earl had to die
goodbye Earl
We need a break
let’s go out to the lake
Earl
We’ll pack a lunch
and stuff you in the trunk
Earl
Is that alright?
Good!
Let’s go for a ride
Earl

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