I’m not alcohol dependent; I can function on my own. It’s the alcohol that is dependent on me! It just sits there and does nothing unless I go over to pick it up. And I have to pick it up so much, I might as well not put it down.

3-D printed guns have improved over the years, but there is a use case for one-shot guns: so after you use it and you’re gone, it can’t be used for anything other than your intended purpose. The justice system doesn’t like it when dead person’s gun can’t be located.

10) The employment: you love a hard day’s work cultivating the land, so much so you don’t mind not getting paid

9) The housing: everyone needs a place to live, and you enjoy sharing your room with everyone

8) The matchmaking: no more worries about finding a date

7) The birth control: nothing says you’re in control of your body like forced castration whether it be your nads or ovaries

6) The music collection: you love the repetition of a chant

5) The movie collection: you can’t get enough of the reasons why you love the leader

4) The education: everything you knew was wrong before you joined the cult

3) The wardrobe: you had no idea that you looked good in a homely robe

2) The leadership: you hang on every word

1) The tasty punch: it’s to die for!