“Alternative” Lyrics 81

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republican Party; Donald J. Trump’s Base
“Poor Unfortunate Souls” by Pat Carroll from The Little Mermaid

I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

To this
And I fortunately know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed (Pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, “Spells, Ursula, please!”
And I help them
Yes I do

Now it’s happened once or twice
Someone couldn’t pay the price
And I’m afraid I had to rake ’em ‘cross the coals
Yes I’ve had the odd complaint
But on the whole I’ve been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

(Dialog)

You’ll have your looks, your pretty face
And don’t underestimate the importance of body language, ha!

The men up there don’t like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes on land it’s much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?
Come on!

They’re not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who’s withdrawn
It’s she who holds her tongue who gets a man

Come on!
You poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead
Make your choice
I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day
It won’t cost much
Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate soul
It’s sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You’ve got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I’ve got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

“Alternative” Lyrics 80

Topic: Donald J. Trump
“The Old Gray Mare” by Various

The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be,
Ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be,
The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be,
Many long years ago.

Many long years ago, many long years ago,

The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be,
Many long years ago.

The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,
Kicked on the whiffletree, kicked on the whiffletree,
The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,
Many long years ago.

Many long years ago, many long years ago,

The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,
Many long years ago.

“Alternative” Lyrics 77

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans
Auxiliary Topic: Politicians
“Razzle Dazzle” from Chicago

Give ’em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give ’em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather ’em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle ’em
And they;ll never catch wise!

Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle dazzle ’em
Give ’em a show that’s so splendiferous

BILLY
Row after row will crow vociferous

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give ’em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture ’em

BILLY
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

BILLY AND COMPANY
Throw ’em a fake and a finagle
They’ll never know you’re just a bagel

BILLY
Razzle dazzle ’em
And they’ll beg you for more!

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give ’em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy ’em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give ’em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger ’em
When you’re in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder
They’ll let you get away with murder
Razzle dazzle ’em
And you’ve got a romance

COMPANY(The same time as BILLY’s)
Give ’em the old
Razzle Dazzle

BILLY
Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle ’em
Show ’em the first rate sorceror you are
Long as you keep ’em way off balance
How can they spot you’ve got no talent
Razzle Dazzle ’em

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Razzle Dazzle ’em

And they’ll make you a star!

“Alternative” Lyrics 75

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Vladimir Putin
Auxiliary Topic: Donald J. Trump; Trump Family; Upper-class
“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson from The Little Mermaid

Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl
The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove, treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you’d think
Sure, she’s got everything

I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a plenty
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs? I’ve got twenty!
But who cares? No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancing

Walking around on those
What do you call ’em? Oh, feet

Flipping your fins you don’t get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a
What’s that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wandering free
Wish I could be, part of that world

What would I give if I could live
Out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand

Betcha’ on land, they understand
Bet they don’t reprimand their daughters
Bright young women, sick of swimming
Ready to stand

I’m ready to know what the people know
Ask ’em my questions
And get some answers
What’s a fire and why does it?
What’s the word?
Burn

When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love, love to explore that shore up above
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

“Alternative” Lyrics 74

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans; Resistance
Auxiliary Topic: Robert Mueller; Donald J. Trump; Resistance
“Union Strike Folk Song” by Yeardley Smith from The Simpsons

Come gather round, children,
It’s high time ye learned
‘Bout a hero named Homer
And a devil named Burns.
We’ll march ’till we drop
The girls and the fellas.
We’ll fight ’till the death
Or else fold like umbrellas.
So we’ll march day and night
By the big cooling tower.
They have the plant
But we have the power.

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