“Alternative” Lyrics 18

Topic: Melania Trump

“‘Fore She was Mama” by Clay Walker

‘Bout ten years old, hide and seek
I found me in the closet
Ready or not, I stumbled on
And opened up that box of
Yearbooks, letters, black and whites
A hundred, maybe more
Next thing I know my brothers and me
Got ’em scattered on the floor (yeah)

There was one of her, flippin’ the bird
Sittin’ on a Harley
And a few with some hairy hippie dude
Turns out his name was Charlie
Her hair, her clothes, her drinkin’, smokin’
Had us boys confused
I’ll never forget the day us nosy kids got introduced…

To mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
Won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But I saw mama ‘fore she was mama

We put that box right where it was
And never said a word
But growin’ up got hard just tryin’
Not to picture her
In anything but aprons, dresses
Mini-vans and church
Oh, and Daddy would have whooped our butts
For diggin’ up that dirt…

On mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
She won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But I saw mama ‘fore she was mama

We laugh and hang it over her head
Right above her halo
Her face turns red when we bring up
That tie-dyed Winnebago
She runs and hides and still denies
That hip-high rose tattoo
She burned that box of forget-me-nots
When she found out we knew…

About mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
Won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But that was mama ‘fore she was mama

And there’s that one down in the Bahamas
But that was mama ‘fore she was mama

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“Alternative” Lyrics 15

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump Presidential Campaign Staff; Donald J. Trump Administration Staff (particularly family members on staff)
“Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom” by H. Jon Benjamin and Kristen Schaal from Bob’s Burgers

Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I’m just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can’t let them see me with my pants down
Coasters Magazine is gonna be my chance now
But I’ll be outta here in no time
I’ll be doing interviews and feeling just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I’ll do Coasters Magazine and blow everyone away

Let’s be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong
I’m not to blame, it’s not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day this would’ve all just blown away
But he’ll be outta there in no time
No-ones gonna blame me, I’ll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can’t unstick my dad I’ll find another way

Bad stuff happens in the bathroom/Let’s be clear
I’m just glad that it happens in a vacuum/I did absolutely nothing wrong I’m not to blame, it’s not my fault
Can’t let them see me with my pants down/This is just to say, if
Coasters Magazine is gonna be my chance now/Gene had pooped like every day this would’ve all just blown away
But I’ll be outta here in no time/But he’ll be outta there in no time
I’ll be doing interviews and feeling just fine/No-ones gonna blame me, I’ll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day/Today is gonna be a great day
I’ll do Coasters Magazine and blow everyone away/If Teddy can’t unstick my dad I’ll find another way

“Alternative” Lyrics 14

It’s a special day, so I get to break the rules today!

Topic: Donald J. Trump
“A Traitor First” by Brian Burwell

I was a douche conspiring over my plight
Then I became president overnight
Now I gotta figure out how to do it right
So much to plot and scheme

In the ivory tower with the first family
With power that ain’t meant for me
A whole world to corrupt is waiting for me
I’m so excited to be (A traitor first)

I’m finding out what being immoral’s all about (A traitor first)
Making my way, I’m conniving everyday (A traitor)
It’s gonna be my time (A traitor)
To show them all that I’m a traitor first!

Download: Archive.org

“Alternative” Lyrics 13

Topic: Donald J. Trump
“Flagpole Sitta” by Harvey Danger

I had visions, I was in them;
I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rottenness and evil in me.

Fingertips have memories
Mine can’t forget the curves of your body
And when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(but no one ever does)

I’m not sick but I’m not well
And I’m so hot ’cause I’m in Hell.

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don’t even own a TV

Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs, now I’m an amputee, God damn you

I’m not sick but I’m not well
And I’m so hot ’cause I’m in Hell
I’m not sick but I’m not well
And it’s a sin to live so well

I wanna publish ‘zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn’t hurt, it feels fine
The trivial sublime
I’d like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind, mind

Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody’s coming to get me
Just say you never met me
I’m running underground with the moles (digging holes)
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God it sounds like they’re snoring;
But if you’re bored, then you’re boring.
The agony and the irony: they’re killing me (whoa).

I’m not sick but I’m not well
And I’m so hot ’cause I’m in Hell
I’m not sick but I’m not well
And it’s a sin to live this well
(one, two, three, four)

“Alternative” Lyrics 12

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Republicans
“Push” by Matchbox Twenty

She said “I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry”

Well, this ain’t over
No not here, not while I still need you around
You don’t owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good

I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, well I will

She said “I don’t know why you ever would lie to me
Like I’m a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me
You couldn’t stand to be near me when my face don’t seem to want to shine
‘Cause it’s a little bit dirty”

Well, don’t just stand there
Say nice things to me
‘Cause I’ve been cheated, I’ve been wronged
And you, you don’t know me
I can’t change, I won’t do anything at all

I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, well I will

Oh, but don’t bowl me over
Just wait a minute, well I kinda fell apart
Things get so crazy, crazy
Don’t rush this baby
Don’t rush this baby, baby, baby

I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna take you, take you
Yeah, well I will, I will, I will, I will, yeah
Well I will, I will, I will, yeah
Push you around
And drag you down
I wanna push you around
Well I will