Author: Brian Burwell

“Alternative” Lyrics 18

Topic: Melania Trump
“‘Fore She was Mama” by Clay Walker

‘Bout ten years old, hide and seek
I found me in the closet
Ready or not, I stumbled on
And opened up that box of
Yearbooks, letters, black and whites
A hundred, maybe more
Next thing I know my brothers and me
Got ’em scattered on the floor (yeah)

There was one of her, flippin’ the bird
Sittin’ on a Harley
And a few with some hairy hippie dude
Turns out his name was Charlie
Her hair, her clothes, her drinkin’, smokin’
Had us boys confused
I’ll never forget the day us nosy kids got introduced…

To mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
Won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But I saw mama ‘fore she was mama

We put that box right where it was
And never said a word
But growin’ up got hard just tryin’
Not to picture her
In anything but aprons, dresses
Mini-vans and church
Oh, and Daddy would have whooped our butts
For diggin’ up that dirt…

On mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
She won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But I saw mama ‘fore she was mama

We laugh and hang it over her head
Right above her halo
Her face turns red when we bring up
That tie-dyed Winnebago
She runs and hides and still denies
That hip-high rose tattoo
She burned that box of forget-me-nots
When she found out we knew…

About mama ‘fore she was mama
In a string bikini, in Tijuana
Won’t admit she smoked marijuana
But that was mama ‘fore she was mama

And there’s that one down in the Bahamas
But that was mama ‘fore she was mama

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“Alternative” Lyrics 15

Topic: Donald J. Trump; Donald J. Trump’s Campaign Team; Donald J. Trump’s Administration (particularly family members on staff); Trump Family
“Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom” by H. Jon Benjamin and Kristen Schaal from Bob’s Burgers

Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I’m just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can’t let them see me with my pants down
Coasters Magazine is gonna be my chance now
But I’ll be outta here in no time
I’ll be doing interviews and feeling just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I’ll do Coasters Magazine and blow everyone away

Let’s be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong
I’m not to blame, it’s not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day this would’ve all just blown away
But he’ll be outta there in no time
No-ones gonna blame me, I’ll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can’t unstick my dad I’ll find another way

Bad stuff happens in the bathroom/Let’s be clear
I’m just glad that it happens in a vacuum/I did absolutely nothing wrong I’m not to blame, it’s not my fault
Can’t let them see me with my pants down/This is just to say, if
Coasters Magazine is gonna be my chance now/Gene had pooped like every day this would’ve all just blown away
But I’ll be outta here in no time/But he’ll be outta there in no time
I’ll be doing interviews and feeling just fine/No-ones gonna blame me, I’ll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day/Today is gonna be a great day
I’ll do Coasters Magazine and blow everyone away/If Teddy can’t unstick my dad I’ll find another way

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